Hey! I just realized. We're more than halfway through 'Season Two'.
Let the experiment begin!
"Turn Down Your Lights (Where applicable)"
Experiment #209 ~ THE HELLCATS (1967)
Original Air Date: December 8, 1990
Genre: Crime/Drama
Studio: Gemini American Productions II
Starring: Ross Hagen, Dee Duffy, Sharyn Kinzie, Del "Sonny" West
Directed By: Robert F. Slatzer
Theatrical Running Time: 90 Minutes
Tagline: "LEATHER on the OUTSIDE..., ALL WOMAN on the INSIDE!"
Film Synopsis: An ex-military officer, Monty Chapman (Ross Hagen ~
'Sidehackers' Ep#202) infiltrates a biker gang to investigate his detective brother David's (Bro Beck) murder along with the help of his late brother's fiancee', Linda (Dee Duffy).
Intro: Joel, Tom and Crow all have colds. Each one is speaking in a 'stuffy nose voice', and each one are in their comfy bathrobes. Not a pleasant sight.
Invention Exchange: Joel and the Bots use Tom Servo as a 'vaporizer', the steam from which is composed of "'TetrahydrozolinesodiumT-laurelsulphate', 'UB40', 'FD&C Red 40', 'Simply Red', 'flavor', 'Magnesium Sulfate' (to preserve "flavor"), and 'spackel'". (however, May cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery. Use of this product may cause
flashbacks.) The Mads are still diggin' the "Hobby Hogs" from two experiments ago in
Ep #207. Joel presents the 'Sign Language Translator' (the invention the Mads didn't have time for Joel to present last week in
Ep #208).
Host Segments:
Host 1: Tom's flashback: Tom is making an entry into his typewritten diary. "Today, Crow and I got into a fight in the 'Load Pan Bay'." "It all started when, unprovoked, Crow called me a 'sweat-beetle dick weed!'. The next thing I know, he 'jumped' me, and I was winning, and that's when Joel discovered us and steam hosed us off. It was a real mess. Joel tells us to 'remember the good times we had together, like just the other day, or maybe it was last year...". (Flashback to
Ep #106, the 'Crawling Hand'/'Shatner' host segment.)
Host 2: Crow's flashback: Crow is making an entry into his audio diary. "You won't believe what a jerk Servo was today. I'm down in the 'Load Pan Bay', minding my own business, when out of nowhere, Servo jettisons a stream of 'purge fluid' right at my 'spasmodic prophesator'. So, in self-defense, and only after every avenue of diplomacy has been exhausted, I jumped in, but only in self-defense. Of course, this is the only thing that Joel sees, and...". (Flashback to
Ep #201, the 'Selective Gravity' host segment.)
Host 3: Joel's flashback: Joel is making an entry into his handwritten diary. "Dearest Sandy. Well, those Bots are at it again. I just finished cleaning up their mess in the commissary, then I find that those 'knuckle-knobs' have trashed the 'Load Pan Bay'! (exclamation point.). Sometimes I wish that I could program more maturity into their little ROM's, but you know, Sandy, they can be the cutest little dickenses', in spite of themselves (smiley face). Like the time when we all got together, and, we were all about, well you'll see...". (Flashback to
Ep #203, the 'Gobos' (or Black Matte) host segment.)
End: Gypsy's diary: (Maybe it's being captured by the SOL's 'ship recorder', I don't know.) "Dear Richard." "How are you?" "I am fine." "Everyone is sad but me." The Bots start to tease Gypsy, but then everyone admits that they keep a diary as well. Joel reads a letter from a fan in Italy! Everyone shares a group hug. Dr. F. is disgusted at the emotional outpouring. Frank is moved by it. Dr. F. and Frank "push the button", together.
Stinger: (unintelligible blathering by 'trumpet biker-guy'.)
Items of Note:
~ The Mads offer no Invention Exchange.
~ The Host Segments are all 'recycled' bits from previous shows.
~ Almost no dialog to speak of in the 'Intro' segment.
Personal Notes:
~ Rumor has it that almost everyone involved was busy with other projects during the writing of this episode.
~ What the 'tagline' to the film has to do with the subject matter is anybody's best guess?!
~ I hate to say it, but I kind of enjoyed the debauchery of the biker gang in this film.
The 'Riffs':
~ "What?! Are these guys Sergeant Exposition and Detective Plot Point?!"
~
(Servo) "Oh, smart! They make their drug deal, out in the middle of nowhere, while a car passes by."
(Joel) "Why do you think they call it 'dope'!"
~ (Not a 'riff', but a great line of movie dialog) (
Monty) "The 'Badge' say "you take your 'old lady' and that 'hog' and you move!" I tell the 'Blue' (something unintelligble). And they say "not here you don't", and they smack me FIVE times on the wrist!" (
Crow) "What the heck are they saying? It's like they're speaking in an ancient tongue!"
~ The frightening thing is, I understood what Monty was trying to convey!
~ (
Crow) "Duh! Yeah, great Ross. Take your jacket off. You unintelligible't want anything thick and leathery between you and the road." (
Servo) "Except maybe his head!"
~ Pop culture references ranging from 'Yassar Arafat' to 'Bozo the Clown', to 'Sonny Bono' to "Then Came Bronson", this episode falls kind of flat. This is probably the last biker film that the gang at BBI will tackle.
Rating: 1 "Hynie 'cubed' it again" out of 5
"Keep Trading the Discs (and Tapes)"
The opinions expressed herein are those solely of the reviewer and do not necessarily reflect those of 'Jonja.net' nor it's owner. MST3K, it's characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Best Brains, Inc. and no infringement is intended.
We do reviews and updates of projects of Sci-Fi movies, television, and books. As well as Horror, Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Anime.
Please feel free to sign up and post your own comments. We would love to hear your opinions, and feel free to join in on our collection of over 600 free flash games and compete with other users for the high score. We also have a great chess system that allows users to compete against one another online.
