Let the experiment begin!
"Turn Down Your Lights (Where applicable)"
Experiment #402 ~ THE GIANT GILA MONSTER (1959)Original Air Date: June 13, 1992
Genre: Horror, SciFi
Studio: Hollywood Pictures Corporation
Starring: Don Sullivan, Fred Graham, Lisa Simone, Shug Fisher, Bob Thompson, Janice Stone, Ken Knox, Gay McLendon, Don Flournoy, Celia Hunt, Stormy Meadows
Directed By: Ray Kellogg
Theatrical Running Time: 74 Minutes
Tagline:
"ONLY HELL COULD BREED SUCH AN ENORMOUS BEAST... ONLY GOD COULD DESTROY IT!"Film Synopsis: A small Texas town finds itself under attack from a hungry, rampaging fifty-foot long gila monster. No longer content to hunt for food in the desert, the giant lizard begins to prey upon motorists and train passengers before descending upon the town itself. Only cool-guy and teen 'hot-rodder' Chace Winstead, the town mechanic, can prevent them from being wiped out by the raging behemoth.
Intro: Joel tosses Crow's body off screen claiming "Well, you won't be needing this anymore." He's attached Crow's head to Tom Servo's body and created
'The Thing with Two Heads'! (
Crow): "I call
Ray Milland!" (
Tom): "Oh, great. That makes me
Rosie Grier!" (
Joel): "Oh, come on. A fellow could do a lot worse than be a star lineman for the L.A. Rams." (
Crow): "Yeah, who just happens to be in touch with his
feminine side." As much as both Bots hate this idea, Joel convinces them to see the upside to his experiment. (
Joel): "Well, how about this... you're the 'Odd Couple: 1999!'" (
Tom): "Saaay... 'Sometime earlier, Crow's body had thrown him out, requesting that he never return again. Can two heads live in the same body without driving each other crazy?'" Joel changes his mind and pulls the plug on the whole deal.
Invention Exchange: Frank announces that Dr. Clayton Forrester has passed away! (
Frank): "He was... dead! I guess that's what caused it all. You know, the upshot of all this is, I'm gonna be in charge around here from now on. What a way to get a promotion, huh?!" Dr. F. suggests the SOL get on with the invention exchange, as he's going to be "busy with Frank for a moment." The SOL presents what appears to be an ordinary prop radio, but it's tuner only picks up channels from old sitcoms and movies. For example, one could tune into the 'plot point' channel, the 'incredibly specific plot point news' channel and the 'generic teen dance music' station. Deep 13 presents hateful punching bags with images of renaissance festival characters on them like... the Leather Mug Maker, the Harlequin or the Rat Catcher. (
Dr. F. in British accent): "Excuse me, sir. Is that your head or did your neck throw up!?" (
Frank): "Oh BITE ME, Frodo!" (
Dr. F.): "Please sir, sample my wares." (
Frank): "Sample my FIST, you community theater reject!" Frank unleashes an old school WWF style whuppin' on the illustrated inflatable toys.
Host Segments:Host 1: The soda fountain sketch.
~ (
Joel): "Do
you like to make money? Sure, we
all do! Simply turn that empty pantry or linen closet space into a gold mine by turning it into a teen pavillion/barber shop, just like in today's movie. All you gotta do is clear away some of the more hazardous cleansers, stock up on plenty of health-licious and delicious snacks and beverages and tune in your prop radio to the appropriate teen dance music station."
~ (
Tom): "C'mon, Crow. Let's go get something cool and slippery from the 'stupid' jerk!"
~ (
Joel): "Tom... it's 'soda' jerk. Would you guys straighten up and fly with me on this one!? C'mon, this is my sketch."
~ (
Crow): "Alright, pops. Mmmm... shoot us a couple of 'blue floyds'!"
~ (
Joel): "Uhhh... what's a blue floyd?"
~ (
Tom... whispering): "Wow! Can you believe this guy?"
~ (
Crow): "Okay, Daddy-O. We'll walk you through it. Just put two... no, three scoops of ice cream in a blender, add malted milk, and then fill to the top with cool menthol Barbicide!"
~ (
Tom): "And garnish with a comb! Hoo, Hoo!"
~ (
Joel... really upset): "That's IT! Fun time is OVER! You guys
NEVER go along with me on these things.Every time you guys, the
ROBOTS come up with some half-baked idea, I try to go along with it and be supportive. But the minute
Joel has an idea for a presentation, in rush the 'baby Teddy Ruxpins' and spoil everything!"
~ (
Crow... sarcastically defiant): "Okay, well maybe next time you can get your
precious Gypsy to help you!"
~ (
Joel): Yeah? Well maybe I will!
GYPSY!!!"
Gypsy storms onto the set and inadvertently knocks down everything, and everyone in it.
~ (
Gypsy): "These two! Nothing but trouble! Back after this."
Host 2: A (sort of) 'Tribute to On-Screen Comedic Drunks', referencing characters such as Crazy Guggenheim, Otis (from the
Andy Griffith Show) and of course, Dean Martin. Joel thinks it would be a good idea if he, Tom and Crow each portrayed their favorite funny drunk. Crow acts like the guy who gets really drunk, calls you at 3:00 in the morning, and tells you what a really great guy you are. It gets a little 'too real' and Joel intervenes, calling it "very funny and very poignant. Very bittersweet". Tom elects to show the 'life of the party on New Year's Eve' (
wearing a lampshade, or a Fez perhaps). After camping it up, Tom seems to be having have a stroke! Crow panics! A drunken Gypsy wanders onto the set and lays a big, sloppy wet kiss on Joel! It's mayhem! (
Joel): "You
guys!
Stop it! This just isn't funny anymore!!!" (
Tom): "Hey, did we just do an 'Afterschool Special' here!?" Everyone begins a solemn reading in unison...
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Our stories disclose in a general way what happened. What we were like, and what we are like now..." Uh-Oh, Movie Sign!
Host 3: "Servo on Cinema" hosted by one Thomas Servo, examines the directorial style of Ray Kellogg (the director of today's experiment). Kellogg's use of 'blocking' (a visual tool used by directors on stage and screen that dictates the choreography of an actor's movements in a given scene) comes under extreme scrutiny. In this film, Kellogg seems to prefer the 'leg-up' method. Dialogue between two actors? Make it more interesting by having them lift one leg, bending at the knee, and place their foot, leaning on say... a car bumper, a bench, a car fender, a desk, a fallen log (
you get the idea). Cambot presents a short film displaying Kellogg's fondness for that technique in today's movie.
End: Joel and the 'bots are power-trio, glam-rock band "HEE-LA", running through a sound check and song list during a concert rehearsal. Songs include "...that Eric Burdon 'I'm gonna ride the serpent...', 'Cold Blooded' and 'It's Not Easy Being Green' but, Crow won't be able to do 'Karma Chameleon'." Joel reads a couple of fan letters, one of which is from
TV's FRANK?! Frank is filled with glee. Dr. F. is disgusted. Frank pushes the button.
Stinger: Shug Fisher gags on sody pop.
Items of Note:~ The producer of this film was Ken Curtis.
~ Ken Curtis is probably best known as the character Festus on the TV series 'Gunsmoke'.
~ This experiment introduced the recurring "I sing whenever I sing, whenever I sing" riff that will be repeated when someone, or something is banging or pounding on something in rhythm.
Personal Notes:~ Well, it would appear that a hot rod car carrying nitro glycerine could destroy the giant gila monster as well. Hooray! We don't have to leave it up to God!
~ Frank beating up on the inflatables during the invention exchange is nothing less than tears to the eyes hilarious.
~ Barbacide is the eerie blue ( or whatever color) disinfectant you used to see hair combs or brushes floating in at the barber shop when you were a child. It is still in use today in many different industries, and in many different colors.
~ Does anybody remember what a telephone party line is!?
~ The solemn reading at the end of Host 2 is part of 'Chapter 5' of the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The 'Riffs':~ (
Crow): "Hey! Hey wait! That's my body! That's got some of my favorite parts!"
~ (
Sheriff to Chace): "How are your headlights?" (
Joel): "I don't have head lice!"
~ (
Joel): "Gosh, the moonlight does crazy things to your hair... sir!"
~ (
Chace) "Wow! Two twenties!" (
Tom): "That makes thirty bucks!"
~ (
Joel): "French people sure do kiss funny!"
~ (
Joel as 'GGM'): "Eww! Don't drink that! That's my urine. I don't even do that!"
~ (
Tom): "Oedipus! Put me down! You'll poke your eye out!"
~ (
Tom): "Look out, Ladies and Gentlemen, there's a forked tongue in the road!"
~ (
Crow): "What, do you think I'm illiterate! I read the 'Enquirer'!"
With pop culture references ranging from Earl Scheib, Doublemint Gum, The Jack Benny Program and The Munsters to Sabrina and the Groovy Ghoulies, Montclair cigarettes, Dippity-Do hair gel, Wages of Fear (
Henri-Georges Clouzot) and Green Acres, the experiment is a must-see!
Rating: 5 "skid marks" out of 5
"Keep Trading the Discs (and Tapes)"
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